SS is a pity fuck. There I said it. You want to know why I said it?

because it makes fucking sense.

Sasuke obviously felt bad that Sakura never got over him after he did his signature poke and he was like “Fuck it. Maybe a little of this Uchiha dick will get her off my back.” So he goes out to buy the condoms and gets to Sakuras place. Sakura ain’t stupid though. She gets the condom a pokes a whole in each one.

They do the do, Sasuke leaves and BAM!

Sakura learns she’s pregnant.

Her not being a sensory type, she some how manages to get Karin to help her look for her baby daddy and for nine months they look (Explaining why Naruto wasn’t questioning about never seeing Sakura pregnant)

Unfortunately Sakura and Karin dont find him in time for him to be their for Sarada’s birth.

Now Sakura has to deal with being a single mom. Since the kid obviously looks like Sasuke she lies to, the village and says she’s his wife.

12 years later Sarada finally meets Sasuke and that’s when Sasuke learns that he has to pay child support.

He’s also confused when Sakura called him her husband but he doesn’t want her to look like a dumbass so he calls her, his wife. Sakura plays along with him and that’s why their pet names seem so force.

When all that shits done Sasuke literally tells his daughter that she is the only reason why he and Sakura will be together.

Soon the three go home and while they have their family time Sasuke is confused as fuck on why the uchiha symbol is in Sakura’s house, THAT MAGICALLY GOT REBUILD WITHIN A DAY, Sakura just gives him this embarrassed look.

When he’s done pretending to be a dad he pokes Saradas forehead telling her that he’ll see her later, but is bullshitting and trying to get out of that child support.

When Sakura tries to kiss him his eyes pretty much said “Oh no no. First you got a taste of my dick, than my kid, than my clan name. Bitch you must think its Christmas.”

That’s when he walks off with a smirk on his face thinking about that big dick that he’s going to get from Naruto as soon as he gets back to the tower.

The end.